Majestic eagles circling high

Claim their ownership of the sky

Antlered deer climb mountain crags

Or wallow deep in peaty hags

Grouse calls warble from the moor

While seals sing a Mermaids lure

The red squirrels gravity defy

And dolphins spark delighted cries

But from valley floor to mountain ridge

The one we speak of most – the MIDGE

Oh midge of Scotland why oh why

Do you feel the need to bleed us dry

To bite and annoy our tender skin

While we try to take the outdoors in

When tired and resting viewing views

You plague us getting up our trews

You find your route through the tiniest nooks

Despite sprays and creams from expert’s books

180 trillion beasts

Each expecting daily feasts

We’re well outnumbered fair and square

Enough to leave us in despair

From early dawn to sunsets spectacular

They challenge the language’s Scot’s vernacular

From down your top to up your trews

They come not able to refuse

Determined to leave their itchy traces

In all your personal private places

So Skin So Soft and Smidge are here

Anointed in a shiny smear

All exposed skin is treated so

In efforts to defeat the foe

But grown men with hairy beards and stuff

Still weakly shout ‘enough’s enough!’

As on mild days when breezes lack

Comes the midgies scream ‘attack, attack’

And every pimple, every cell

Is subject to their prickly hell

Our sprays and creams to no avail yeah

But it could be worse, we could live in Australia

28000 different biting flies

So be grateful we’ve just wee midges guys.